Tuesday, July 13, 2010

a disgusting topic, still funny none the less

While I haven't posted too much in the past few weeks, I found it funny to just go ahead and post this quasi-milestone....Sadie has been getting a complete giggle out of farting. There I said it. When the moment hits her, she will look dead at me, fart, then just so big and proud, she smiles, and follows that up with one of her classic squealing giggles.

With that tidbit of information out there in the universe, I can fill you in on the past few weeks and how summer is going around here.

I honestly haven't felt like writing much because of my new dilemma with making sure I paint a real picture of life around her/here. I struggle to stay strong. I try super hard to keep all emotions about the disappointments about Sadie hidden even from myself. When I feel those tingles of pain ripple through my soul, I quickly tell myself to pull it together. I remind myself of all the wonder and gratitude she has brought to my life. No matter how hard I try to squelch those feelings, they pop in and out weekly and on occasion, daily. I can compare it in a sense to the same feeling when you see one of your children nearly fall, that outer tingle on your skin as you reach out to catch them. But this is different this is the inner tingle, the inner fear that no matter what I do, I CAN'T FIX HER. It's the tingle inside that makes your eyes well up with tears and you are a breath away from pulling it together or finding a moment to cry.

And so I wrote that hours ago, in fact it was this morning, but still to reread it before posting, I wouldn't change a word.

On another note, the summer seems a third over and we have been going to the beach, water park, hanging in our back yard, and of course watching A LOT of Disney's Princess and the Frog. Sadie's attendants have made it possible for all the fun outside these four walls and I'm grateful to live in a country that offers services to her. I don't feel paralyzed to the enormous amount of energy it takes to get both girls out the front door, especially Sadie who still requires 100% help to dress, potty, eat, etc.

Both girls did have random fevers last week that lasted about 48 hours and both recovered without major incident.

Overall, we are having a wonderful summer.